Weathervane War

Keeping up with the Joneses: the Weathervane War

When I was a boy growing up on this suburban street on the East coast I remember an interesting period which we now lovingly call “The Weathervane War”. You have to know, this was an area where “keeping up with the Joneses” wasn’t just a phrase…it was a way of life lived to its fullest. For example, one neighbor would get a riding lawnmower, then another neighbor would get one as well, and another, and next thing you knew everyone on that street had their cool lawn ride. Thing is, they also always tried to outdo each other – that’s how competitive everyone was. So the mowers kept getting bigger and bigger, no matter how small of a patch of land anyone had.

Anyway, when my Grandfather passed away he bequeathed to my dad this antique weathervane (among many other things). Made of copper (then green), with a Rooster motif and the wind directions prominently displayed on this decorative ring. My dad fell in love with the idea of putting that thing on the roof, since it reminded him of his childhood home. So he sat and washed, scrubbed, and polished this heirloom one weekend for 2 days straight, till it was gleaming and shining like new. It wasn’t big, but big enough to grab your attention from far away.When I was a boy growing up on this suburban street on the East coast I remember an interesting period which we now lovingly call “The Weathervane War”. You have to know, this was an area where “keeping up with the Joneses” wasn’t just a phrase… it was a way of life lived to its fullest. For example, one neighbor would get a riding lawnmower, then another neighbor would get one as well, and another, and next thing you knew everyone on that street had their cool lawn ride. Thing is, they also always tried to outdo each other – that’s how competitive everyone was. So the mowers kept getting bigger and bigger, no matter how small of a patch of land anyone had.

So one evening he and I went ahead and installed that rooster in all its shining glory on the roof of our suburban home. I needn’t tell you I was embarrassed at this old fashioned piece of “roof art”.

However, as soon as the next weekend, one of the neighbors, Mr Burr, had purchased himself a weathervane with a slightly larger eagle motif, and painted in very nice colors. Up on his roof he went and installed himself some “eagle art”…

Then the next neighbor got an even bigger “carriage weathervane”. So one day my best friends Dad, Mr Smith, who had “written the book” on the Joneses, went and bought himself the “mother of all weathervanes”. It depicted three geese in flight, clustered together and HUGE. My friend and I were wondering if the roof would actually be able to bear that monstrosity. It did, and it actually looked really cool…and it could be seen from 5 miles away. It was my Mr. Smith’s real pride and joy.

But one day something happened, and we weren’t sure why. Was it envy, the challenge, or was it a drunk duck hunter…but what do you know, one night the whole street woke up to a set of loud bangs, three in a row, and the group of ducks came crashing from the roof, and falling onto the hood of Mr Smith’s new Buick. I needn’t tell you how upset he was, he got so red in the face that I was afraid he would collapse right there on his front lawn. Clearly, someone had shot those ducks right from Mr. Smith’s roof. That very night he loudly swore he would do something about this…

So the very next day he went shopping for the most solid and “bulletproof” and BIG weathervane he could find. He brought home a huge “Perched Eagle” weathervane made from stainless steel. It was even bigger than the group of ducks had been, and it shone like 1000 mirrors in the sun when it was installed on their roof.

A few nights later we again woke up to three loud bangs coming from the direction of Mr Smith’s home. We couldn’t believe that someone would try the exact same stunt again, so we ran outside and looked. The eagle was still proudly perched on his metal ball, but oddly enough we heard a noise like someone writhing in pain. We ran around the house to the back yard and saw a guy with a gun leaning over another guy on the ground whose pant seat was red and bloody. The guy on the ground was Mr.Burr, the neighbor who had bought that second weathervane, the eagle one.

911 was called and arrived quickly, and within a short few days we learned that the neighbor had hired the shooter to take down first the group of ducks, being that they were the biggest roof art objects on the street. He clearly didn’t like that. And thereafter he couldn’t stand Mr Smith purchasing a bigger and nicer eagle than he himself had had.

Problem was, the eagle’s wings were at an angle, and when the shooter shot the stainless steel weathervane, Mr. Burr had started running right on the first shot as he was scared of getting caught, but one of the bullets ricocheted right off that wing and into that neighbor’s behind..

The neighbor eventually apologized to everyone in the street, paid retribution, and took down his smaller eagle. Thus ended the “weathervane war” in our street.

Andy Zynga

co-owner Weathervanedirect.com